DONT BLINK, DONT CLOSE YOUR EYES-

10. If you could go back in time and change something, would you?
yes. but, im not sure if it would be worth it.

Why can't we just always be happy, or content with the things that happen too us? Im aware, that our decisions each and every day, make our lifes what they are. And ''everything happens for a reason,'' i do want too understand that quote. And i would love too know who thought of that also, was that just a phrase too keep people going, and make theirselves believe that every situation isnt as bad as they think it is. I know, that everytime i'm in a bad mood lately, i just like too think that someone has it way worse than i do. And the small, gay, stupid, things that are ruining my day, are generally nothing too even worry about. I try not too get as flustered about the little things lately, and just let them blow over, because tomorrow, or in ten minutes they wont matter anyways. Its not worth fighting with your very best friends over dumb things, because you might end up saying something that you will regret, and that will actually hurt their feelings, ive done it enough times too know. I never intentionally mean too hurt others feelings, but sometimes i truely believe that i just dont care, and thats not fair, too anyone. I dont want too be around people that dont care enough about me, but i always just expect people too want too be around me if they ask me too hang out, im done hurting others feelings, intentionally. Everyone makes mistakes.
I'm done trying too incredibally much also. If people dont want too be-friend me, there is no need for me too try so hard. i want all my relationships too go in two directions. I want too be needed as much as the next person.
I will try, but i wont try so hard, that i just feel used, and that i wasted my time in the end.

LIVE YOUR LIFE, dont waste these years. because you'll miss them so much,
so soon.

BUT THAT WAS MISTAKE NUMBER TWO-

This title couldn't possibly fit any more perfect. I would fall again, if i had the chance too. I'm so wrapped around old ideas, i just cant let them go. I want summer back, absolutly EVERYTHING about it, it was such a perfect summer, and i didnt even realize it. nothing could compare too it, not too mention i figured out more about myself than i had ever known, i became more.. "me." No one's perfect, i'm fully aware.. and i find myself wanting too tell others that they just made a mistake, because I dont like the outcome,
REALIZATION; Chelsea; its not your life too live.
I more than just need to understand, i can only run my own life, and i clearly cant make others like me, no matter howw hard i try. I will never 'get you back,'
and your going too fall.. for one of my bestfriends, i can only wish you the best, even though it will be the hardest things for me too do.. ever, I'm sorry that i dont quite know how too completly feel happy for someone, without this voice in the back of my head saying, 'this isnt how it was supposed too end'' i just want too be happy, for you, and everything you have/get, that i never will.
IM SO JELOUS.
and you'll prolly never even understand. Im so mad, i messed up. Im so sad, i let go. Im so dissapointed, you gave up.
"ILL TAKE YOU BACK, IF YOULL HAVE ME."
anyday, ever. And, god. i wish it wasen't that way.

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND-YOU DONT UNDERSTAND..

Writings like an addiction once you get started. Most of the time i dont know how i would like too word things i say too others, until i realize all i have too do is take the time to think it out clearly, and realize that my words actually might hurt others. I never have the intention of hurting others, because.. just because. Things in life can change so fast, i've finallyy come too realize. ive come too realize that i need my friends too, more than anything... anything.

I really dont think im that difficult too deal with, most of the time. But, im so fortunate for the ones that have stuck around with me, the ones who dont mind my stupid-ness.. the ones who dont mind me not being organized, not saying sorry sometimes..
Im so fortunate to have found the ones, that realize im not perfect.. and they accept that.
I cant thank you guys enough, because quite frankly,

your absolutly amazing.

I wont try too get you back, but i wouldnt turn you away if you did come back..